Back Again

Round 2 of the Star Wars Weekends posed to be rather uneventful compared to the first, which is to say I did not upset the person whose autograph I was seeking. There were even fewer people in costume, and it was still really hot outside (90s).

Luke should have gone into town for those power converters.

On this excursion I got Warwick Davis's (Wicket, Willow) autograph for my brother. He was polite enough to ask me whether I wanted it made out to someone or just wanted the autograph. Not wanting to extend our conversation into a situation that could somehow make him angry, I said just the autograph would be fine.

Notice both parties are smiling.

Jake Lloyd (Anakin from Episode I) was also there to sign autographs. I really did not want his autograph, but check out the pictures. There appears to be an eerie resemblance to a particular actuary we know.

Could Rory be Darth Vader?

I know none of you really care, but today Less Than Jake is doing an in-store performance at an independent record store here in Orlando. I checked it out a few days ago and the place is about the size and set up in the same way as the Exclusive Company in Madison. I don’t know how it is going to go down in such a small place, but they said they were going to be recording the whole thing so that should be cool. Maybe I will post on it later…you will have to wait and see.

What a Wookie

On Saturday I ventured to Disney's MGM Studios to partake in the festivities of my first Star Wars Weekend. Having high hopes of seeing Star Wars geeks dressed to the nines in their space duds, I was grossly disappointed. In my opinion, very few people came to represent their intergalactic hoods. At most I saw maybe 50 people dressed up and that includes the random guy wearing a belt with a lightsaber on it. These fans are not worthy of seeing the awesome wonder that would be Jedi Capsasaorus.

Young Padowans practicing their skills

Han Solo started his career smuggling from the Ewoks

The highlight of this trip had to be getting Peter Mayhew's (Chewbacca) autograph. I had him sign an action figure that I scowered about 5 different retailers to find. However, in the process, I think I pissed him off. Here are the details:

- I approach with the figure in my hands, saying a nice “Hello.”
- I hand him the figure and he proceeds to use a red sharpie to sign it. (I really wanted him to use a silver sharpie to sign the figure -because it would have matched the packaging and make it look nice/ cool)
- Before he gets the red marker to the plastic packaging, I ask him if he could sign it in silver instead.
- Upon hearing this he pauses. Instantly I knew I did something wrong, it seemed to me that he had paused for at least 5 seconds.
- Luckily he does not say anything, but he slowly puts down the red sharpie, picks up the silver, and signs the figure. While he does this he is visibly disturbed and I say “sorry.” He says nothing.
- After this I get my photo taken with him to prove the authenticity of the signature. Notice his expression in the photo. I am sure he was thinking Who is this American ungrateful enough to ask me to switch marker colors when I am about to sign something for him?

After the incident. I quickly left, not wanting to leave a lasting impression. Surely later that night he would justify my ignorance with the $56 he assumes I paid to get in the park that day. However, being an employee I did not have to pay. So in this case, I did not heed C-3PO's advice to let the Wookie win. However, having made this mistake, I will not be surprised if Chewbacca sneaks up behind me and rips my arms out of their sockets.

A War Brews in Chicago

The north side of Chicago has been thrust under the oppressive shadow of fear as two sides in a newly spawned battle of the wills declare war on each other. Pat Hayden, everyone's favorite resident of Wolcott Ave. has now been verbally assulted (or at least confused) by the clerk of the 7-11 on nearby Foster Ave.

The first incident occured but a few weeks ago, when Pat entered the store to buy a six pack of beer and told the clerk he did not need a bag. Being a man of severe morals and very little english speaking talent, the man reportedly began yelling at Pat for up to five minutes concerning the need for the bag and how it is his duty to see to it that all beer leaving his store is concealed from the community.

This display of uncomfort was followed up less than 24 hours ago when Pat and his good looking friend Dave entered the 7-11 to buy some soda and snacks. Pat purchased a DMD (Diet Mountain Dew for those of you not endoctrinated to the Hayden lingo) and a Reese's Cup. Once again strangeness ensued, with the clerk picking up the soda and asking "Oh, you like diet?" to which Pat replied "Yes.." already clearly weary of strange verbal assult potential. The clerk then picked up the Reese's Cup and said something else about the word "diet" and then begain laughing maniacally. It can be assumed the joke was somewhere in the fact that it was not a diet peanut butter cup. After a few moments of dumbfounded stares David saw that the only way they were going to get out there alive was if someone acknowledged that man's "joke". So the weird 7-11 clerk and David laughed at Pat for a bit and everyone went home alive.

Next time the strikingly handsome Dave may not be present to defuse the situation with obviously mocking (to all but 7-11 clerks) fake enjoyment of the clerk's ramblings, and officals are concerned that if Pat and that guy ever end up in an enclosed space together the entire city of Chicago may become uncomfortable.

Luckily, Pat has declared a "Perminant Boycott!" of the 7-11 location, meaning that unless he really needs some DMD we should all be okay. For now the city can only hold it's breath and hope; hope that Pat's cube of DMD lasts until his next trip to Dominck's.

a sneak preview

A Cuntry Mouse sells some Fat-Ass the Actuarial Services of GRP (Glen, Rory & Pat)

(Pulls up twenty minutes late to a lunch date outside of a Bennigan's to find his client hailing a cab to leave.)

(Rolls down window.) Alright, listen up. This here's your chance to make a lot of money - all thanks to me. Sure, you could make some cash somewhere else by working hard and NOT getting wasted in Las Vegas every weekend, but then you'd be some dumb-ass from the sticks wearing his Daddy's suit and carrying your lunch to work. You want to be rich now? Get in the car.

Good choice, kid. See the truth is money is everywhere - you just need to know how to grab it before some other chump gets lucky and has it crammed up his ass by some other dumbass you don't even know! Not following, eh? Why am I not suprised. Look (lights two cigars) - Smoke? No? You better fix that, kid - life's too short for pink lungs (smokes both cigars). It's easy. You probably don't know the first thing about mortality tables, right? Hell no - you've got better things to think about. I always say parking comes first. You gotta have a place to park your car and your dick. You take care of those two things, I'll take care of your money and the dorks down at the office will take care of setting your insurance premiums.

What, you thought I did the math? Hell no, my friend - math is the first step down a path that ends in high pants, thick glasses and horse-faced broads who don't put out. You let my associates walk that path - you and I, we'll take a hard left and head down to Miami. You think I'm kidding? Fuck.

(Pulls a sudden U-Turn.)

(Takes out a piece of Orbit Gum.)

Wanna hear a joke? (Pops gum in mouth.) What's the difference between cash and credit? (Chew) Nothin' when you own Visa. HAH! (Chew, chew) Why aren't you laughing? (Chew) You don't get it, right? (Rolls down window, spits gum into open window of next car over.) You gotta start thinking big. You know who doesn't get that joke? Small time wa-hoos who can't even imagine owning Visa. Do you even want to make shit loads of cash? Because I've got to tell you; I'm the face of GRP Actuaries and we only deal with red-blooded pussy hounds. Are you looking to get rich or not?

That's what I thought. Don't sweat it, not everybody can adjust to being a millionare that quick. You better get used to it though - as soon as you sign this contract AGR's gonna make you a fuckin' BANK. (Tosses contract on client's lap.) Our rates are ass-low, and our proficiency in the latest rate management strategies is tits-high.

Here we are - international terminal. (Leads client out of car, into the terminal.) There's a flight to Miami that leaves every day at 1:05. We're on that plane, drunk before it takes off. I don't drink with anybody I don't trust, though, and I just need to drop that contract in the mail before we head out so put some ink on that stink and let's get laid.

(Client signs contract.)

Nice - wait here. I forgot my Ray Bans in the car.

(Drives off to a 1:30 lunch meeting.)

...33 Days Later

The infection is clearing for an unknown reason. The specimen may not be pretty but this new life may bring the inspiration that has been lacking.

(hearing the Cranberries' Zombie actually was the inspiration for this post)

Hey all, I am really sorry for seemingly falling off the face of the planet. A certain mouse has me running a proverbial maze searching for cheese (in this case a job). Things are looking promising though, I had an interview last week and it went pretty well. Now it is back to the continuous waiting game to hear back. (Florida seems to be really draining on me lately, but it may be the fact that I am getting sick of this hiatus my life has been placed in)

This weekend starts the annual Star Wars weekends at Disney's MGM Studios. I plan on going to checking out the festivities and to try and get incriminating pictures of different characters for entertainment. Who knows, maybe I will be inspired to create a costume or something. Let me know your thoughts and I will see what I can do.