Hey, Remember Stadium Seating.

One would think that by the time you hit 24 you'd want to eclipse any paltry accomplishments you may have realized when you were only 20, but let's all face facts: we're never going to top stadium seating. Very rarely in history has something so great come to be.

Not only did stadium seating provide a wonderful place for up to three fully grown adult males lay down on couches, it also provided a peaceful and dignified place for mice to go to die. How could you ever top that? What's the point of even trying??


No, wait! We can't let stadium seating cause a mass extinction! Use stadium seating as an impossible goal; like Icarus trying to fly, we can find inspiration in stories of fools who reach too close to stadium seating's glory. It can also be useful as a measuring stick - it gives true meaning to the concept of "deece crotch plus" - that unobtainable step off the top of the deece meter. When you say that a sandwich is deece crotch, stop and think: is it really just one 'plus' away from being as great as stadium seating? Probably not. It's important to have perspective, and stadium seating can give us that.

It may be best if we think of stadium seating as an abstract; as a crazy dream of a place where everything is perfect; where Pat can play Donkey Konga on one couch, while Dan searches for topless girls in plaid skirts only by url on an entirely different couch, yet still have a clear view of the tv. Where Caps can mend the torn crotch of Capsasaurus while Laura drums uncontrollably to the OC theme song without bumping into each other. We may never get back to that place, but we must never forget; nor let it drive us mad. It's a balance - a precarious one - but one that we must achieve should we ever learn to live in the afterglow of what will surely be remembered as the pinnacle of mankind's existence on this planet.

Oh man, and remember that insanely stupid game with the ball on the porch? That was sweet too.

Kettle Moraine Class of 2002 Five Year Reunion: Bust or Blast?!

So, all of the rest of the 208er's would have had a 5-year high school reunion last year. Mine was this year and remained unplanned by the elected senior class president...so, I took the reigns and put a little effort into having a nice reunion...

This was a terrible idea.

BUT...it still turned out OK.

#1. Pick a time and place...not too hard. I wanted something really casual and non-threatening; so I reserved a pavillion in a well-known park. Also, I purchased a liquor license...because I assumed we are all lushes.

#2. Contact everyone from your class...almost 400 of them. I started with Facebook (thank God for that)--but only found about 25% of the folks...most of whom are nowhere near Delafield, Wisconsin any more. I called the high school and retrieved our old phone directory--so I called everyone's parents who gave me other cell phone numbers or e-mail addresses. This was certainly the most daunting part. Most people did not remember who Laura Knepper was and asked me what my maiden name is...

#3. Cake, Pizza, Nametags (this will be funnier later, if you think about it). This was easy.

#4. Set-up. Should be easy...but there were 16 screaming ten year old boys and all their mommies having a birthday party in the pavillion when we got there. The Town of Delafield double-booked the pavillion! There were pinatas and blow-horns and balloons and bean bags being tossed in every direction...there was nothing we could do but bear it.

#5. People show up. OK, is it a downfall when only 8 of 365 people show up? Especially when you purchased a 50-person cake?

#6. Have fun anyway, because it totally stopped mattering at this point. So, we all drank a bunch of beers, talked about life, and played Apples to Apples.

#7. Unable to read Apples to Apples cards any more due to the Wisconsin country darkness...go to Kettle Moraine High School to the Homecoming Dance.

#8. Get kicked out.

#9. Convince the Town of Delafield to give you a full refund due to their double-book (check).

So, aren't you sad you didn't have a five year reunion?!

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE!!!

-Because I don't have anything good to write but I really want to stimulate the 208 flow.-

Glen: Glen is still working in Chicago and Living in Wisconsin. The world can't believe it, but he actually seems to enjoy the routine, and makes good use of his time on the train. He recently got engaged, which is totally braggable. In addition, Glen is this closing on a beautiful house just north of the Wisconsin-Illinois border, barely maintaining his cross-state-commuter status.

Pat: One thing the world can believe is that Pat has already gotten sick of his insane neighbor. He's well on his way to constructing his bedroom recording studio, having spent what I estimate to be 2.5 good televisions on recording equipment. I just hope it helps fill the void of not having had Qdoba with Glen and me for WEEKS.

Caps: After recently discovering a magical sword while helping a friend move, Caps is now almost able to access the deepest vault of the dragon's tomb (where he'll find the void of voices, and will finally hear the name of the woman he will marry). Caps was recently promoted to head of Magical Fun at Walt Disney world (which, you can imagine, is a big deal). The vast number of women throwing themselves at him make hearing his true love's name all the more important. James is planning an exciting trip up to Madison to hang out with his totally awesome ex-roommates sometime this winter.

Dave: Easily the tallest of the roommates, Dave has now beaten the solitaire game on his new phone like a bunch of times. He's also now personally writing each copy of the New York Times every day (by hand).

Laura: Laura was really bored last weekend, after attending no parties at all, not even one. This quiet spell won't last for long, though, since Laura belongs to a sort of secret society social club for up and coming big wigs in the city (shhhhhhhhhh). Laura's already working on her Archimedes costume for Halloween this year.

Dan: Nun chuck master Nun Chucks is the fourth most dangerous man in the state of Wisconsin. Dan's biggest worry these days is where his next pizza fix will come from, having sworn off Pizzazs for life after he was tortured with the spinning, searing hot heating dish by the third and second most dangerous men in Wisconsin. There is a 38% chance that Dan has a small bowl of chips in front of him right now.

-Sorry that was so lame.-