Hey, Remember Stadium Seating.

One would think that by the time you hit 24 you'd want to eclipse any paltry accomplishments you may have realized when you were only 20, but let's all face facts: we're never going to top stadium seating. Very rarely in history has something so great come to be.

Not only did stadium seating provide a wonderful place for up to three fully grown adult males lay down on couches, it also provided a peaceful and dignified place for mice to go to die. How could you ever top that? What's the point of even trying??


No, wait! We can't let stadium seating cause a mass extinction! Use stadium seating as an impossible goal; like Icarus trying to fly, we can find inspiration in stories of fools who reach too close to stadium seating's glory. It can also be useful as a measuring stick - it gives true meaning to the concept of "deece crotch plus" - that unobtainable step off the top of the deece meter. When you say that a sandwich is deece crotch, stop and think: is it really just one 'plus' away from being as great as stadium seating? Probably not. It's important to have perspective, and stadium seating can give us that.

It may be best if we think of stadium seating as an abstract; as a crazy dream of a place where everything is perfect; where Pat can play Donkey Konga on one couch, while Dan searches for topless girls in plaid skirts only by url on an entirely different couch, yet still have a clear view of the tv. Where Caps can mend the torn crotch of Capsasaurus while Laura drums uncontrollably to the OC theme song without bumping into each other. We may never get back to that place, but we must never forget; nor let it drive us mad. It's a balance - a precarious one - but one that we must achieve should we ever learn to live in the afterglow of what will surely be remembered as the pinnacle of mankind's existence on this planet.

Oh man, and remember that insanely stupid game with the ball on the porch? That was sweet too.