A Most Egregious Evil Genius Move

This morning, at 6:22am, my phone started making a noise I had never heard before. It was beeping and bopping and generally making me suddenly awake and confused. It stopped, however, and I went back to sleep. At 7 am, I woke up and checked what the heck all the racket was about. It turns out that someone sent me a picture message. Now, I've never received a picture message before, and thus I never setup my phone to automatically download and display pictures.

Thank GOD. Thank the stars and the heavens and the galaxies and the forests that I never setup my phone to automatically download and display pictures messages.

The message gave me a url I could visit to display the picture, which is free, so I decided to do that to find out what it was. I showered, dressed, woke up, and went online to find that FORMER ROOMMATE AND CURRENT EVIL GENIUS CAPS LOCKE had sent me a picture. What picture was it, you ask? Why, only the picture which once pierced directly into my fragile soul and ripped it a sunder, ruining me for weeks and killing a piece of me that I live without to this day.

Caps sent me the face.

If you don't know what face I'm talking about, you weren't around when we all gathered about the TV in our brand new house that fateful night three years ago in Madison and watched The Ring. I've never before, nor since, actually screamed in horror at a movie, and I have to say that the face is still pretty damn disturbing even when it's static, low-quality and small. Even in the brightly lit comfort of my kitchen I almost threw up and I had to hide under the desk for a few minutes before I could come out.

Had I seen that picture at 7am, two seconds after turning off my alarm, I may have suffered five concurrent heart attacks and died right there. I can't even image what that would have done to me. Seriously. I'm pretty sure at the very least my phone would be smashed, lying in pieces on my bedroom floor right now had I seen it.

Bravo, Caps; you've won this round. But you watch out, because who knows what devious devices I've come up with to horrify you with. (I do - none. Rats.)