From the makers of "Prime Enough!" and "Words are for Pussies!"

Good things happen when you take members of the Blogulution and put them together in new situations. For instance, put several of them in a bar with a deck of cards, and you'll get some great new card games (Prime Enough, Words Are for Pussies, etc.). Put them in Brookfield with nowhere to go on a Saturday night, and you get a world-class tour of the city and a zombie attack!

Put them in the apartment of someone they don't know with a game made for eight year olds, and the results are beautifully catalytic.

Last weekend, O-Negative, Parsley, and myself (along with the help of Chaney, and The Hero) created what has evolved into the greatest game since Thunkball. The game is called "Jerk of the Night," and it's guaranteed to entertain you for hours while irritating everyone around you. All you need to play is one "Brain-O-Matic" board game (Figure 1).

Figure 1. Brain-O-Matic.

What started as a boring trivia game for kids turned into a game that will test your brain in every way possible. In the original game, there is a green model of a brain that has six lights, each one symbolizing a different category. You roll the dice, move that many spaces, and answer a question based whichever category is lit up on the brain. The questions are insulting to anyone as intelligent as the members of the Blogulution, except the "No Brainers," which are just plain fun. Some "No Brainers" include: What color is a blackbird? When was the War of 1812? What kind of animal eats dog food?

Unfortunately, those No-Brainers were also No-Timers, and within seconds we were bored and looking for more. O-Negative got a pen and some paper, and we were ready to craft some rules that would make this game worthy of the "Brain-O-Matic" title. The result was a game we called "Jerk of the Night," and here is what you do for each of the brain's categories.

1. Sports and Games -> Hide the Brain

Unfortunately, this category literally came up at least eighty percent of the time. The brain was rigged. There was a string of at least fifteen rounds of Hide the Brain. The probability of that happening is approximately 2.12 x 10^-12. Regardless, we reluctantly played every round out.

In this game, the player must hide the brain somewhere around the room. The person to his or her left must keep her eyes closed until the rest of the players announce, "find the brain!" The finder must then find the brain. The best hiding spots we used included on top of the ceiling fan, in a dog's shirt, and in the purse of a girl we didn't know!


2. Arts -> Pictionary

After Harry drew such a great rabbit hole, we decided that in this category, the player must draw a picture of a rabbit hole in a unique way. While this game was never actually played due to the dominance of Hide the Brain, the most creative (and only) idea mentioned was drawing one half of a rabbit plus one half of a rabbit, resulting in a rabbit whole (ha!) (Figure 2).

Figure 2. A rabbit whole. (Ha!)

3. History -> Fictionary

In this game, the player must describe a historical event by telling it like a narrative. The only two instances of this game were The Monica Lewinski scandal and the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. While this game ultimately had the most replay value, it was hardly played at all.


4. Pop Culture -> Survivor

Obviously, one of P. Arty's contribution to "Jerk of the Night," Survivor required the players to vote one player out of the game for good. Luckily, this game only came up once, and we were able to vote two players who had already left the game (and the room) out. Sorry America, no drama.


5. Science & Nature -> Genre Blending

This game didn't originally have a name, so I made that one up. I like it because it looks like Gender Blending, and as you all know, the genders are indeed blending.

In Genre Blending, the player has to discuss the impact that science has had on romantic comedies. Topics discussed include "The Study of Meteorology and its Effect on Forces of Nature (Starring Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock)" and "The Parallelism of the Search for Truth and the Search for True Love."


6. Geography -> Foreign Care

In this game, the player had to recite a poem about "caring" in a foreign language. The languages chosen were American Sign Language, Czech?, and Spanish. The only poem I understood was:

Cariendo es como el sol:
Brillante,
Calor,
Radiente.
Sin cariendo tienes nada.
Con cariendo,
Tienes el mundo.

Caring is like the sun:
Bright,
Warm,
Radiant.
Without the sun you have nothing.
With the sun,
You have the world.

7. Final Round -> Jerk of the Night

The Jerk of the Night award is given to a player randomly, and this player wins the game. Other players frown upon the Jerk of the Night, mostly because they're jealous.

In the first game of "Jerk of the Night," I was awarded the winning prize because I searched through the purse of a girl I didn't know. Keep in mind, the person who hid the purse there was given no such prize or title. With that prize, I won the game.

Polley won Jerk of the Night the following night because he wouldn't stay to see Just Friends after he, O-Neg, and I watched the glorious thriller known as Derailed. He ruined what could have possibly have been the best doubleheader since this trainwreck. What a jerk.


So that's how you play our new game. Unfortunately, we were forced to leave the brain behind, so we have no way of determining which category to choose, and we have nothing to hide in Find the Brain. I would recommend you all invest in a copy of Brain-O-Matic solely for the purpose of obtaining a brain. Then we can continue to play Jerk of the Night anytime we enter a new situation (i.e. anywhere other than Wipert's basement).