Move over, Horse of a Different Color. There's a new color-shifter in town, and its name is Metzger's wardrobe!

You probably all remember the Horse of a Different Color from The Wizard of Oz.

What's this horse's favorite color? Neeeeiiiigh-vy Blue.

In the event that you don't remember, let me refresh your memory. The Horse of a Different Color was that crazy horse that kept changing colors. Every time Dorothy, et. al. looked at it, it would be a new, exotic color. (It's just a coincidence that the horse is white in the only decent picture I could find of it, I promise.)

This magical horse was perfect for The Wizard of Oz. What caused the change? Constantly evolving pigment? Perhaps it was just an involuntary defense mechanism? It was inexplicable. It was magical. It was, until now, unique.

Ladies and gentlemen, I spent last Saturday evening with Daniel "Extra Mootzarella, Please" Mootzhouse, and I can attest to his color-shifting wardrobe. Luckily for all of us, I had my camera on me, and I was able to capture his shirt throughout the wild adventure. (Note: I know the wonders of Photoshop may even trump the wonders of the color-shifting wardrobe, but I assure you I did not alter these in any way after they came out of my camera, except to shrink them down.)

We started off the evening like any other evening. Metzger was in his uber-hot green t-shirt that always makes him look like the stud he truly is.

The only thing greener than this shirt, is my envy for Metzger.

All was well. We decided to hop on a train and go meet Molly and Jes to see a Diversity comedy show at Second City. That's when I looked at Metzger, and realized his shirt was no longer green!

Orange ya glad we decided to take the train, O'Ger?

At this point I thought I was going crazy. Unfortunately, I didn't think to check the photgraphic evidence I had already collected, so I assumed the shirt was orange in the first place. I decided my eyes were playing tricks on me. No man's wardrobe can just change in color like that. Or can it?

What's black and white and red all over? Metzger's clothing, FOR NOW!

I sat down on the train, right across from Metzger, and what do ya know? His shirt was red! I started giving him some looks of confusion, leading him to cross his arms in order to "hide" his magic shirt. Look at him avoiding eye contact. What a clodhopper.

Finally, we arrived at the show. I knew Metzger was up to somthing. I HAD to expose his secret to the world. In order to do this I decided to trick Metzger.

"Hey, Ger-trude," I said. "Check out the hotty with the yellow purse behind you! She was saying how she loves a dude in a pink shirt!" Metzger took the bate so hard. With a pink shirt, a smug look on his face, and all the confidence in the world, he approached the yellow-bagged hotty.

Pinky and the Brain (not pictured - I was taking the picture.)

The hotty took one look at Metzger's shirt and fell in love, much to my surprise. I had originally intended to fool Metzger, but instead I hooked him up with a hotty. Added bonus, I suppose. Unfortunately, we were herded into the theater just as she was about to give him her number. Bummer.

Metzger learned a lot about diversity during the show. He decided he wanted to teach the world and dress to emulate the diversity he had just learned about.

"Look. I'm dressed as diverse as that show's cast was!"

Metzger decided to go to an all black outfit, because according to the show, that's what diversity means. He left his white shirt showing to represent the piano player, who had a very small role in the show. (Note: to be fair, there was also an Asian woman in the show. Metzger chose not to represent her.) Needless to say, the crowd (seen behind him) was not pleased with his smart assedness.

Upon revealing the photographic evidence I had collected to one Hollywood Dave Ryan, he was so surprised that he literally turned into the Abominable Snowman.

Even his irises turned white and snowy!

When we asked Metzger about his shirt, he said, "The bills don't pay themselves, guys. Jeez." Confused as to what that meant, we decided that the new Harry Potter video game Metzger bought had something to do with it. While we still don't know the real origin of Metzger's magic shirt, we've gathered all sorts of evidence. Only through rigorous sifting and winnowing will we discover the secret behind the Wardrobe of a Different Color.