Time for Huge Explosions!

Why don't things blow up more? I've played videogames, and because of the crushing damage videogames do to my brain as I grow up playing them (just ask Jack Thompson, professional moron), I am well aware that things that are red should blow up when shot or rammed into or otherwise disturbed.

Well guess what? The world is a little buggy.

Just this morning I saw a red barrel, which I climbed on top of and jumped up, kicking the top of it as I did. But rather than being launched far into the air and onto a ledge I could not otherwise reach I was simply asked to get down by a very realistic looking police officer.

Then there's the fact that when I push a crate it better damn well move, and I better damn well be able to climb on it to get someplace new, or it should depress a hidden button in the floor or it should trigger a trap of some kidn before it hurts me. Whatever, just make it do something. And really, all crates should be at least as tall as I am.

Furthermore, when I'm driving and I see a tow truck or dump truck or some other vehicle with a flat bed that has been angled down in the back, I will drive my car up that ramp, aiming for whatever looks awesome. Don't give me that look like I did something wrong; don't turn your truck into a ramp if you don't want me doing bitching jumps off of it. Idiot.

Don't even get me started on how some of you people don't live up to your rolls. We all have jobs to do - the world only works if everybody pitches in.

There are some folks, like Dan Metz with his jolly laugh and always insightful quest tips that does his job just right. If I'm looking for a sword or I need to get the red key card, I can always count on Dan for a sometimes-cryptic clue about where to go. Sometimes he even gives me more information if I ask him again! Caps is another good example; he has control of animals. If I need to get through the jungle, or there's a lion loose in my house when I get back from battle, I know just who to talk to. Need a place to store all my stolen goods? That's Laura's department - she can get you the inside info on that deserted house at the edge of town.

But then there's people like Pat and Glen. What the hell are these people good for? "Oh no, I don't remember how much I need to insure my dwarven battle mace before I use it to rob the bank and save the princess! I better talk to an actuary!" I don't think so. Give me a break, guys, you'd both make half-way decent black smiths, or maybe farmers. I could even see you as castle gaurds, but do something; if you're not going to contribute, you might as well just be NPC's (Non-Playable Characters).